NATIONAL EATING DISORDER AWARENESS WEEK
My name is Allison Kreiger Walsh, I'm a very proud graduate of the University of Florida 2006. I'm really excited to be here. This year has a lot of celebrations, a lot of new things. For me in particular, this is my ninth year of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week in the treatment and recovery process. It is my eighth anniversary of being Miss University of Florida, which I know is kind of ironic that tonight at [inaudible 00:00:40] I was going to join our illustrious sister of title holders for this fabulous university, and it's also the first time that my new husband is going to hear me speak live. It's a very special evening for us. Welcome, and thank you so much for being here tonight. How many of you are my Tri Delta sisters? Good. Thank you for sitting up front.
Okay, to be able to wrap this all up, and for you to really understand where I'm coming from, I grew up in a very competitive environment. I was a competitive baton twirler, not just the one marches around in blocks in a square parade. I was part of [corps 00:01:20], like five years old, [wooden 00:01:22] stick in my hand, in the gym, practicing, dance classes, four to six hours a week training by the time I was 13 years. This was no joke. This go big or go home, don't bother if you're not going to win.
I followed in the footsteps of greatness. My beautiful mother, who's sitting back there, was a national champion baton twirler, so of course, me being the competitive person that I am, decided, oh well, I'm going to do the same thing, too. I have to at least meet that expectation. I was incredibly intense. Never once did my parents say, "You're not good enough if you don't win". Never once did my coaches say "I'm disappointed in you." My coaches always said, "Do your best. Try your hardest, and go for the next time if it doesn't work out". Same thing at school. I was incredibly proud of myself, straight A student, loved to succeed. Loved to be involved in every possible group. My parents still joke today, they gave me a compliment at Christmas last year and said, [inaudible 00:02:20] stop volunteering for stuff. I have a keen ability to sign up for as many possible thing as I can put on my schedule. Really, really busy.
By the time I was a freshman in high school, I didn't really want that anymore. I was tired of living in the gym. I was tired of not having a social life. I was tired of not being able to go to my friend's house after high school. Especially once people starting their learner's permits and their driver's license and I was hanging out with little kids. I wanted to go hang out. I didn't want to be leaving school early every day, go to the gym, then go home, then go to dance, then go do my homework, and then to repeat. That was my schedule. On the weekends, I was in a competition every weekend. I felt like I was missing out on life.
Instead of starting to vocalize this to my parents, and say, "Mom and dad, I need a break" it was more of internalizing that message. I wasn't communicating what I was feeling. I was just beating myself up inside. I was [inaudible 00:03:17], I had no way of communicating this. I started to lash out a little bit. I was little promiscuous during my first summer in high school, I was experimenting with the dating and sneaking and going to see boys and kind of figuring all that out. Again, not talking to my parents, and not talking to my parents about how I didn't like practicing and I didn't like twirling and I didn't want to compete anymore, and not talking about how I didn't want to be what everybody else wanted me to be. It just kept getting worse.
One day, now in the meantime, I was also training and wanted to qualify for the world team, big deal, you know, all the hoopla, go to Italy. Really big deal in twirl world. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, and I happened to have a knee injury that happened around the same time, which was devastating to me. That summer, going into that sophomore year of high school, I went to nationals and I was fourth in the same division that I had been in the top three the summer before. If I could be in the top three, I would have gone to the world team. As you can imagine, when your whole life is consumed around something, how absolutely heartbreaking, how when you identify yourself as the girl that's really awesome at baton twirling at school, and then that doesn't happen, how your whole world comes crashing down. It's not like you can go back and do it again next year, this only happened every four years. I was crushed.
Meantime, I get the knee injury, I'm not eating well, I'm at the gym constantly, and my coach says to me at one point, now mind you, I wasn't taking care of myself, I wasn't eating well, and she said to me, "you know, you've got to push yourself a little bit harder" and it was just a terrible day at the gym. I got home and I was so worked up, I threw up. I didn't force it that day, at all. I didn't choose to start making myself sick, but something in my head on that particular day was triggered, and I said I feel better. Wow, that was a release. Okay, now I can go back to pretending that everything is okay. This started to become a habit. It wasn't something that I did every day. It wasn't something that I did every week at that point, it really started out as something slow, and it started to build. You better bet that every time that I got upset, that's what I did.
I started to become smart about it, and started to figure, well food is why I can throw up easier than others. I cut meat out of my diet, not because I wanted to be a vegetarian, but because steak was too hard to throw up, and that was how I made my choices. That's pretty sad, when you're 14 and 15 years old, to be thinking about life, and to be thinking about nutrition, and I didn't have any concept of what I was doing. There was one paragraph in my health book that talked about eating disorders.
If I had read something or I had a presenter come in while I was in high school, that said, this is what an eating disorder is, this is how you identify an eating disorder, this is how to help a friend, I might have had a fighting chance. Instead, this behavior, this bulimic behavior got worse and worse and worse. It got to the point where I was binging and purging 10 times a day. I couldn't swallow anymore. It was just raw, I would have coughed up blood. I had a [inaudible 00:06:30] in my eyes. I had tore up my knuckles from the constant binging and purging.
Not to mention, I was totally secluding myself from everybody. I wasn't talking to my friends anymore. I had a boyfriend that was probably one of, in the end, he ended up being one of the factors that helped to save my life, but he was struggling with his own issues. We were just kind of leading ourselves down this path of destruction, and I didn't know what to do. I did not know what to do. By the time I realized that I was a bulimic, I was so out of control, my eating disorder completely ran my life, I knew every private bathroom from my parents' house to my school, from my school to the gym, from the gym home, from home, to the dance studio, and from dance home. I knew how to hide it. I knew when I could sick, when I could eat, when I could throw up. I knew all of it.
Finally, I got to the point where [inaudible 00:07:25] I can't do it. I was a junior in high school, and I said there's something that's seriously wrong with me. Oftentimes, with bulimia, unlike anorexia, in anorexia warning signs and symptoms generally start to appear a little bit sooner than bulimia. I was, [in hiding 00:07:43], I was a number one [inaudible 00:07:44]. I could hide it, and I could continue [inaudible 00:07:47], but I didn't want it anymore. I went to my parents, my parents [inaudible 00:07:52], they said, "Allison, you've always been a perfectionist, you've always been really on top of things. When there's a problem you fix it, so we're going to be fine. We're going to be okay. Let's go back to the gym, let's train for nationals, you're going to be just fine, [inaudible 00:08:05] problem."
That was the worst possible thing, but they didn't know what to do. Parents don't get a handbook that say, oh, if your daughter happens to develop an eating disorder, this is what you do. I wish they did. They have those resources now, and I wish they were around then, but for another three months, I continued to live in [in denial 00:08:23] of this eating disorder. My parents lived in denial of this eating disorder, and I didn't know what to do. Instead of fixing it, I was scared of food. Then, I started restricting, and then I just didn't eat, and then I was [30 pounds 00:08:37] less than this, at least. I don't know how much I weigh now, but I know it was at least 30 pounds less than this. The hair was falling out of my head, because of all the malnutrition, and I was a walking, talking example of an eating disorder. There was no question in my mind that I'd [inaudible 00:08:50]. It was very [inaudible 00:08:53].
Finally, the guy I was dating at that time went through a rough patch. Like I said, we were quite the pair. His sister had struggled with bulimia when she was younger, and she was one of the few people that looked at me, she said, "I know there's something wrong with you, and you need to talk to your parents", and then he also encouraged me to talk to my parents. We finally sat down and said, okay, this can't go on any longer, because I'm not doing to be around for very much longer if it does. We put together a treatment team. I went to my family physician, and he referred us out. He's like, here's a psychiatrist, psychologist, nutritionist, you name it, we got the works.
I was excited to be in treatment to a point, but then I would pull back and I was scared, because [inaudible 00:09:40]. Then, my comfort zone was gone. Then, I didn't have anything to turn to. It's not like alcoholism or drug use, you have to eat every day. With alcoholism or drug abuse, you can stop those things with help, but you have to build a relationship back with food. Because I had these trigger foods, so speak, the ones I would eat so I could sick because I knew I could do it easily, I was scared of them, I was terrified of those foods. It was a gradual process of integrating these foods back in my life. I remember when I came home from my freshman year of college and I was eating meat again, my mom sat down at the kitchen table over a turkey sandwich, just crying, like she was so excited, because I was starting to work through this process again.
Going away to college was what I set my sights on. To me, going to Florida was a chance for a new beginning. It was a chance to start over. It was a chance for me to kind of sketch out what I wanted my future to be. The one thing that wasn't in it was my eating disorder. I knew that going to college was a potentially dangerous activity for me, at that point, I knew that I was healthy enough, I could go, and hopefully have the opportunity just like everybody else does, to live a normal life.
I got here and and I realized that I needed to do something. I needed to start to talk about this because I'm a good person, and I had somebody in my life who also said, "Allison, you were blessed with the voice to tell your story, and if you don't start doing it, you're going to watch a lot of people struggle with something that you did, and there's no reason for that, because if they know the path that you went down, maybe they will stop [inaudible 00:11:21]."
I started talking to high schools. When I went to Florida, I started to volunteer at the student healthcare center, and Dr. Sullivan was there, and she referred me the Helen [inaudible 00:11:33], who was the graduate teaching assistant at the time, and Helen was full of life, and just so adamant, so passionate about eating disorders and prevention, she ran Body Acceptance Week. My freshman year, I was involved with that, and then one week after Body Acceptance Week my freshman year, which is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, I was crowned Miss University of Florida. For me, being able to compete in the pageant, because I had retired from individual competition at that point.
I was on the Gatorettes and I was on the competitive twirling team, but I had taken that pressure off of myself, as far individual competition. I still love the sport of baton twirling, but was really missing that performance aspect of things. I said, you know what, I grew up watching the Miss America pageant, how wonderful would it be for me to be on that stage talking about eating disorders awareness and prevention all the while in a pageant environment, where you know that people are measuring themselves, size and shape, walking around on the stage in a swimsuit.
As you know, my eating disorder did not stem from a desire to lose weight. Mine was never comparing myself to somebody else, which often is a trigger for an eating disorder. My was completely from a lack of control. Completely. I never said, "Oh, I've gotta lose five pounds, or gotta lose 10 pounds." Mine was more a, I'm devastated that I have no control over my life. That's how this whole process started with me getting involved with the Miss American organization. It was wonderful, with Miss America comes a platform of choice. Like I said, I chose eating disorders.
I started speaking to groups [on campus 00:13:11] as well, and so we just formed a group of us, and we were called HOPE, and it was [crosstalk 00:13:16]. It started as simple as a student organization and it turned into a nonprofit and is now 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that works for the prevention and awareness of eating disorders, as well as helping to find and find financial assistance for those that are struggling. This became my outlet. This became something that not only I needed to do to help others, but it was something that I needed to to help myself, because I couldn't stand there and talk about something if I was struggling.
Just to tie it all up, you go through a lot of different things, and if any of you have heard me speak before, you've heard a similar story. You go through things in life, and you never know what you're going to deal with, but it's about being strong, and it's about taking care of yourself, and it's about having the tools necessary to handle life's stresses. How many of you want to be attorneys? Anybody that wants to go to law school? If you like to talk about not doing that, you can meet me in the back corner.
I'm currently a [inaudible 00:14:13] law student, and talk about feeling like you have no control over your life. After I finished my year as Miss Florida, traveling and speaking, I worked for the Miss America organization, was director of communications for the teen division, so I had my little pageant life, I worked in broadcasting and traveled the world, it was wonderful. For some reason, I decided to put myself through law school.
My husband and I got married in May, and I quit my job and I started law school, and I had no life, and three months into it, my husband lost his job. My husband's an attorney, so as you can imagine, the last thing we expected was to be facing [inaudible 00:14:56] process. I never felt, from the time that I'd gone through treatment, I had never felt that lack of control again. Even through my entire year as Miss Florida, with people pinching you, saying oh, you need to firm this up, this jiggles and this sags, you know, prop and push and tape and whatever, I never thought that I was going to face this feeling again.
The measure that I want to share with you tonight is, it's okay to take care of yourself, even if it means going back to things that you once you hated. By that, I mean, when I felt that lack of control again, when I felt the potential for triggering again, I was fine with picking up that phone and calling my doctor, and saying you know what, I think I might need to go back on those antidepressants. I think I might need to go back on the anxiety medication. It's about knowing your body. I'm not going to be on it forever. Some nights I don't even really take it, but it's about knowing what you need. It's about taking care of yourself. It's about appreciating life, and the gifts that God has given you, and all of the abilities that you have.
You don't realize how blessed you are until you go through something like what I went through in high school. To be able to appreciate life the way that I do, I feel that I'm very, very fortunate at 26 to have such a good grasp on what's truly important in life. I watch a lot of friends continue to not take care of themselves, and trust me, I like to go out. I like a good drink every once in a while, or you know, several times a week. But at the same time, it's about balance. It's about finding a healthy balance for you. It's about knowing why [inaudible 00:16:43], knowing what your nutritional needs are.
Every person is not supposed to fit a cookie cutter size. Every person is not supposed to look the same or be the same size, the same shape. Nobody's [crosstalk 00:16:55], we're unique, we're all individuals, and to have a life consumed by food is no way to live. It's no way to live to compare yourself to other people. Look to who you are, appreciate what you have, play on your strengths, and appreciate everything that you've been given.
For me, I like to get out into the community. I think it's a really good way of promoting positive message. There's been various campaigns, if you go on the HOPE website, you can see that, [crosstalk 00:17:23], we started our Pageant Pants campaign, which is a totally innocent way of promoting this message of being comfortable in your jeans, but because I was Miss Florida, it kind of took a life of its own in the last four years. There's 6,000 pair of denim jeans that were donated in a whole campaign to tell others to embrace who they are, and their true size and shape.
I wanted to share with you tonight before I wrap up that HOPE has just launched its new program, and it's called Get REAL and it's Realistic Expectations and Attitudes for Life. It's just that. It's focused on positive self-esteem, a healthy body image, and about taking care of yourself, and spreading the proper messages for others. You realize that over two million people struggle with an eating disorder every year, and unfortunately, the most at risk group right now, other than college students, are younger children. When you're at home, and you have younger siblings, be aware of the messages that your sending them. Don't stand in front of a mirror and turn to the side and say, "Oh, I feel fat", because that child, that sibling, that sister or brother, might end up struggling with an eating disorder. Always have an healthy perspective, try to convey those messages.
If you have a friend or yourself, if you're struggling, there's help. You're very blessed to have a wonderful student healthcare center who has the resources to help you, to help you get better, and to help others that you care about. If you have any questions, I think that we will open it up. I wanted to say thank you so much for coming tonight. Happy NEDAW, happy National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, and be there for each other and take care of yourself.
Okay, to be able to wrap this all up, and for you to really understand where I'm coming from, I grew up in a very competitive environment. I was a competitive baton twirler, not just the one marches around in blocks in a square parade. I was part of [corps 00:01:20], like five years old, [wooden 00:01:22] stick in my hand, in the gym, practicing, dance classes, four to six hours a week training by the time I was 13 years. This was no joke. This go big or go home, don't bother if you're not going to win.
I followed in the footsteps of greatness. My beautiful mother, who's sitting back there, was a national champion baton twirler, so of course, me being the competitive person that I am, decided, oh well, I'm going to do the same thing, too. I have to at least meet that expectation. I was incredibly intense. Never once did my parents say, "You're not good enough if you don't win". Never once did my coaches say "I'm disappointed in you." My coaches always said, "Do your best. Try your hardest, and go for the next time if it doesn't work out". Same thing at school. I was incredibly proud of myself, straight A student, loved to succeed. Loved to be involved in every possible group. My parents still joke today, they gave me a compliment at Christmas last year and said, [inaudible 00:02:20] stop volunteering for stuff. I have a keen ability to sign up for as many possible thing as I can put on my schedule. Really, really busy.
By the time I was a freshman in high school, I didn't really want that anymore. I was tired of living in the gym. I was tired of not having a social life. I was tired of not being able to go to my friend's house after high school. Especially once people starting their learner's permits and their driver's license and I was hanging out with little kids. I wanted to go hang out. I didn't want to be leaving school early every day, go to the gym, then go home, then go to dance, then go do my homework, and then to repeat. That was my schedule. On the weekends, I was in a competition every weekend. I felt like I was missing out on life.
Instead of starting to vocalize this to my parents, and say, "Mom and dad, I need a break" it was more of internalizing that message. I wasn't communicating what I was feeling. I was just beating myself up inside. I was [inaudible 00:03:17], I had no way of communicating this. I started to lash out a little bit. I was little promiscuous during my first summer in high school, I was experimenting with the dating and sneaking and going to see boys and kind of figuring all that out. Again, not talking to my parents, and not talking to my parents about how I didn't like practicing and I didn't like twirling and I didn't want to compete anymore, and not talking about how I didn't want to be what everybody else wanted me to be. It just kept getting worse.
One day, now in the meantime, I was also training and wanted to qualify for the world team, big deal, you know, all the hoopla, go to Italy. Really big deal in twirl world. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, and I happened to have a knee injury that happened around the same time, which was devastating to me. That summer, going into that sophomore year of high school, I went to nationals and I was fourth in the same division that I had been in the top three the summer before. If I could be in the top three, I would have gone to the world team. As you can imagine, when your whole life is consumed around something, how absolutely heartbreaking, how when you identify yourself as the girl that's really awesome at baton twirling at school, and then that doesn't happen, how your whole world comes crashing down. It's not like you can go back and do it again next year, this only happened every four years. I was crushed.
Meantime, I get the knee injury, I'm not eating well, I'm at the gym constantly, and my coach says to me at one point, now mind you, I wasn't taking care of myself, I wasn't eating well, and she said to me, "you know, you've got to push yourself a little bit harder" and it was just a terrible day at the gym. I got home and I was so worked up, I threw up. I didn't force it that day, at all. I didn't choose to start making myself sick, but something in my head on that particular day was triggered, and I said I feel better. Wow, that was a release. Okay, now I can go back to pretending that everything is okay. This started to become a habit. It wasn't something that I did every day. It wasn't something that I did every week at that point, it really started out as something slow, and it started to build. You better bet that every time that I got upset, that's what I did.
I started to become smart about it, and started to figure, well food is why I can throw up easier than others. I cut meat out of my diet, not because I wanted to be a vegetarian, but because steak was too hard to throw up, and that was how I made my choices. That's pretty sad, when you're 14 and 15 years old, to be thinking about life, and to be thinking about nutrition, and I didn't have any concept of what I was doing. There was one paragraph in my health book that talked about eating disorders.
If I had read something or I had a presenter come in while I was in high school, that said, this is what an eating disorder is, this is how you identify an eating disorder, this is how to help a friend, I might have had a fighting chance. Instead, this behavior, this bulimic behavior got worse and worse and worse. It got to the point where I was binging and purging 10 times a day. I couldn't swallow anymore. It was just raw, I would have coughed up blood. I had a [inaudible 00:06:30] in my eyes. I had tore up my knuckles from the constant binging and purging.
Not to mention, I was totally secluding myself from everybody. I wasn't talking to my friends anymore. I had a boyfriend that was probably one of, in the end, he ended up being one of the factors that helped to save my life, but he was struggling with his own issues. We were just kind of leading ourselves down this path of destruction, and I didn't know what to do. I did not know what to do. By the time I realized that I was a bulimic, I was so out of control, my eating disorder completely ran my life, I knew every private bathroom from my parents' house to my school, from my school to the gym, from the gym home, from home, to the dance studio, and from dance home. I knew how to hide it. I knew when I could sick, when I could eat, when I could throw up. I knew all of it.
Finally, I got to the point where [inaudible 00:07:25] I can't do it. I was a junior in high school, and I said there's something that's seriously wrong with me. Oftentimes, with bulimia, unlike anorexia, in anorexia warning signs and symptoms generally start to appear a little bit sooner than bulimia. I was, [in hiding 00:07:43], I was a number one [inaudible 00:07:44]. I could hide it, and I could continue [inaudible 00:07:47], but I didn't want it anymore. I went to my parents, my parents [inaudible 00:07:52], they said, "Allison, you've always been a perfectionist, you've always been really on top of things. When there's a problem you fix it, so we're going to be fine. We're going to be okay. Let's go back to the gym, let's train for nationals, you're going to be just fine, [inaudible 00:08:05] problem."
That was the worst possible thing, but they didn't know what to do. Parents don't get a handbook that say, oh, if your daughter happens to develop an eating disorder, this is what you do. I wish they did. They have those resources now, and I wish they were around then, but for another three months, I continued to live in [in denial 00:08:23] of this eating disorder. My parents lived in denial of this eating disorder, and I didn't know what to do. Instead of fixing it, I was scared of food. Then, I started restricting, and then I just didn't eat, and then I was [30 pounds 00:08:37] less than this, at least. I don't know how much I weigh now, but I know it was at least 30 pounds less than this. The hair was falling out of my head, because of all the malnutrition, and I was a walking, talking example of an eating disorder. There was no question in my mind that I'd [inaudible 00:08:50]. It was very [inaudible 00:08:53].
Finally, the guy I was dating at that time went through a rough patch. Like I said, we were quite the pair. His sister had struggled with bulimia when she was younger, and she was one of the few people that looked at me, she said, "I know there's something wrong with you, and you need to talk to your parents", and then he also encouraged me to talk to my parents. We finally sat down and said, okay, this can't go on any longer, because I'm not doing to be around for very much longer if it does. We put together a treatment team. I went to my family physician, and he referred us out. He's like, here's a psychiatrist, psychologist, nutritionist, you name it, we got the works.
I was excited to be in treatment to a point, but then I would pull back and I was scared, because [inaudible 00:09:40]. Then, my comfort zone was gone. Then, I didn't have anything to turn to. It's not like alcoholism or drug use, you have to eat every day. With alcoholism or drug abuse, you can stop those things with help, but you have to build a relationship back with food. Because I had these trigger foods, so speak, the ones I would eat so I could sick because I knew I could do it easily, I was scared of them, I was terrified of those foods. It was a gradual process of integrating these foods back in my life. I remember when I came home from my freshman year of college and I was eating meat again, my mom sat down at the kitchen table over a turkey sandwich, just crying, like she was so excited, because I was starting to work through this process again.
Going away to college was what I set my sights on. To me, going to Florida was a chance for a new beginning. It was a chance to start over. It was a chance for me to kind of sketch out what I wanted my future to be. The one thing that wasn't in it was my eating disorder. I knew that going to college was a potentially dangerous activity for me, at that point, I knew that I was healthy enough, I could go, and hopefully have the opportunity just like everybody else does, to live a normal life.
I got here and and I realized that I needed to do something. I needed to start to talk about this because I'm a good person, and I had somebody in my life who also said, "Allison, you were blessed with the voice to tell your story, and if you don't start doing it, you're going to watch a lot of people struggle with something that you did, and there's no reason for that, because if they know the path that you went down, maybe they will stop [inaudible 00:11:21]."
I started talking to high schools. When I went to Florida, I started to volunteer at the student healthcare center, and Dr. Sullivan was there, and she referred me the Helen [inaudible 00:11:33], who was the graduate teaching assistant at the time, and Helen was full of life, and just so adamant, so passionate about eating disorders and prevention, she ran Body Acceptance Week. My freshman year, I was involved with that, and then one week after Body Acceptance Week my freshman year, which is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, I was crowned Miss University of Florida. For me, being able to compete in the pageant, because I had retired from individual competition at that point.
I was on the Gatorettes and I was on the competitive twirling team, but I had taken that pressure off of myself, as far individual competition. I still love the sport of baton twirling, but was really missing that performance aspect of things. I said, you know what, I grew up watching the Miss America pageant, how wonderful would it be for me to be on that stage talking about eating disorders awareness and prevention all the while in a pageant environment, where you know that people are measuring themselves, size and shape, walking around on the stage in a swimsuit.
As you know, my eating disorder did not stem from a desire to lose weight. Mine was never comparing myself to somebody else, which often is a trigger for an eating disorder. My was completely from a lack of control. Completely. I never said, "Oh, I've gotta lose five pounds, or gotta lose 10 pounds." Mine was more a, I'm devastated that I have no control over my life. That's how this whole process started with me getting involved with the Miss American organization. It was wonderful, with Miss America comes a platform of choice. Like I said, I chose eating disorders.
I started speaking to groups [on campus 00:13:11] as well, and so we just formed a group of us, and we were called HOPE, and it was [crosstalk 00:13:16]. It started as simple as a student organization and it turned into a nonprofit and is now 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that works for the prevention and awareness of eating disorders, as well as helping to find and find financial assistance for those that are struggling. This became my outlet. This became something that not only I needed to do to help others, but it was something that I needed to to help myself, because I couldn't stand there and talk about something if I was struggling.
Just to tie it all up, you go through a lot of different things, and if any of you have heard me speak before, you've heard a similar story. You go through things in life, and you never know what you're going to deal with, but it's about being strong, and it's about taking care of yourself, and it's about having the tools necessary to handle life's stresses. How many of you want to be attorneys? Anybody that wants to go to law school? If you like to talk about not doing that, you can meet me in the back corner.
I'm currently a [inaudible 00:14:13] law student, and talk about feeling like you have no control over your life. After I finished my year as Miss Florida, traveling and speaking, I worked for the Miss America organization, was director of communications for the teen division, so I had my little pageant life, I worked in broadcasting and traveled the world, it was wonderful. For some reason, I decided to put myself through law school.
My husband and I got married in May, and I quit my job and I started law school, and I had no life, and three months into it, my husband lost his job. My husband's an attorney, so as you can imagine, the last thing we expected was to be facing [inaudible 00:14:56] process. I never felt, from the time that I'd gone through treatment, I had never felt that lack of control again. Even through my entire year as Miss Florida, with people pinching you, saying oh, you need to firm this up, this jiggles and this sags, you know, prop and push and tape and whatever, I never thought that I was going to face this feeling again.
The measure that I want to share with you tonight is, it's okay to take care of yourself, even if it means going back to things that you once you hated. By that, I mean, when I felt that lack of control again, when I felt the potential for triggering again, I was fine with picking up that phone and calling my doctor, and saying you know what, I think I might need to go back on those antidepressants. I think I might need to go back on the anxiety medication. It's about knowing your body. I'm not going to be on it forever. Some nights I don't even really take it, but it's about knowing what you need. It's about taking care of yourself. It's about appreciating life, and the gifts that God has given you, and all of the abilities that you have.
You don't realize how blessed you are until you go through something like what I went through in high school. To be able to appreciate life the way that I do, I feel that I'm very, very fortunate at 26 to have such a good grasp on what's truly important in life. I watch a lot of friends continue to not take care of themselves, and trust me, I like to go out. I like a good drink every once in a while, or you know, several times a week. But at the same time, it's about balance. It's about finding a healthy balance for you. It's about knowing why [inaudible 00:16:43], knowing what your nutritional needs are.
Every person is not supposed to fit a cookie cutter size. Every person is not supposed to look the same or be the same size, the same shape. Nobody's [crosstalk 00:16:55], we're unique, we're all individuals, and to have a life consumed by food is no way to live. It's no way to live to compare yourself to other people. Look to who you are, appreciate what you have, play on your strengths, and appreciate everything that you've been given.
For me, I like to get out into the community. I think it's a really good way of promoting positive message. There's been various campaigns, if you go on the HOPE website, you can see that, [crosstalk 00:17:23], we started our Pageant Pants campaign, which is a totally innocent way of promoting this message of being comfortable in your jeans, but because I was Miss Florida, it kind of took a life of its own in the last four years. There's 6,000 pair of denim jeans that were donated in a whole campaign to tell others to embrace who they are, and their true size and shape.
I wanted to share with you tonight before I wrap up that HOPE has just launched its new program, and it's called Get REAL and it's Realistic Expectations and Attitudes for Life. It's just that. It's focused on positive self-esteem, a healthy body image, and about taking care of yourself, and spreading the proper messages for others. You realize that over two million people struggle with an eating disorder every year, and unfortunately, the most at risk group right now, other than college students, are younger children. When you're at home, and you have younger siblings, be aware of the messages that your sending them. Don't stand in front of a mirror and turn to the side and say, "Oh, I feel fat", because that child, that sibling, that sister or brother, might end up struggling with an eating disorder. Always have an healthy perspective, try to convey those messages.
If you have a friend or yourself, if you're struggling, there's help. You're very blessed to have a wonderful student healthcare center who has the resources to help you, to help you get better, and to help others that you care about. If you have any questions, I think that we will open it up. I wanted to say thank you so much for coming tonight. Happy NEDAW, happy National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, and be there for each other and take care of yourself.
